My Second Calling
by kirasometimes
Summary: Post Chosen. Buffy discovers her second calling but, will it take her further away from where she really wants to be? [for BA and Michelle Branch fans.]
1. Hidden Talents

Disclaimer: I own nothing because if I did, the Buffyverse would not be totally screwed.  
  
Spoilers: Anything and everything is fair game.  
  
POST "CHOSEN" FIC  
  
Feedback: Anything rolling inside your head, tell me about it.  
  
Distribution: ASK FIRST!  
  
Songs: All songs used throughout this fanfic belong to Michelle Branch.  
  
AN: I know this is probably not what you think would have happened after "Chosen" but the idea wouldn't leave me alone. Any fanfic writer knows what that's like. Anyway, just go read it please.  
  
POV: Buffy's point of view.  
  
======================================================== Chapter One: Hidden Talents  
  
"Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?"  
  
Those words from my sister seemed to open more doors than I ever thought possible. Doors to a normal life or a simple life. Something that I always wanted, as long as it didn't cut out the one person I want to be with me everywhere.  
  
Of course, the first thing I thought of Angel. I wanted to jump on a bus and run straight to LA after we won. I wanted to stormed into his home, throw my arms around him and kiss him and fill him with the freedom I now felt myself.  
  
But we all know that I couldn't do that. Especially since I sent him away from the battle, telling him that I needed a second front. The truth is, I had a funny feeling that told me whoever was going to wear that necklace was going to die. And then I passed it off as a general feeling that someone was going to die. Of course someone was going to die, it was the last battle for God's sake. The necklace had nothing to do with it.  
  
But as it turned out I was right. I gave the necklace to Spike, and he died. That's the last time I pass up one of my feelings. I loved Spike, but I wasn't IN love with him. He knew that and I guess he accepted that.  
  
So, anyway, it's three months later and I'm living in Chicago, helping Giles train about fifteen hundred girls who are Slayers here. FIFTEEN HUNDRED! I'm telling you, it's a sight. It's almost unbelievable, especially if you've believed there to be only one Slayer, or in my case, two, since you were fifteen. But it's incredible.  
  
But not fulfilling.  
  
I walk into the house Giles' rented here and notice his guitar sitting on the couch. Someone's going to sit on that when they all come in for a break. That's the danger of training them in your house. Something's going to get broken.  
  
I was only going to move it to his bedroom, but something possessed me. I started playing it. Now, I have no Idea how to play the guitar, and I had no idea if I was even playing it well, but that's what I did. I played it.  
  
And then, for some unexplainable reason, I started singing. Willow always told me I could sing. I believed her, because I used to sing a lot when I lived in LA. But that didn't mean I was good now, and I was a little shy singing, even by myself. The words flowed off my tongue. The part that got me though, was that it was something I had written. A poem I wrote a long time ago.  
  
I cannot help it I couldn't stop it if I tired. The same old heartbeat that fills the Emptiness I have inside. And I've heard that you can't fight love, So I won't complain. 'Cause why would I stop the fire that Keeps me going on?  
  
'Cause when there's you, I feel whole And there's no better feeling in the world. But without you, I'm alone And I'd rather be in love with you.  
  
Turn out the lights now To see is to believe. I just want you near me, I just want you here with me. And I'd give up everything only for you, It's the least that I could do.  
  
'Cause when there's you, I feel whole And there's no better feeling in the world. But without you, I'm alone And I'd rather be in love with you.  
  
And I feel you holding me.  
  
Why are we afraid to be in love? To be loved I can't explain it, And I know it's tough to be loved.  
  
And I feel you holding me.  
  
Oh, oh. 'Cause when there's you, I feel whole And there's no better feeling in the world. But without you, I'm alone  
  
And I'd rather be in love Yes, Id rather be in love Oh, I'd rather be in love with you.  
  
And I feel you holding me, oh.   
  
Can you guess who that was about? Angel, of course. Who else would it be about? I wrote it when he came back form hell and Spike clued us in on the whole 'you'll never be friends' thing.  
  
But I never showed it to him. I never showed any of my stuff to anyone.  
  
"Buffy," a voice said behind me.  
  
I jumped and spun around, almost dropping the guitar. I was facing Giles and he was wearing a shocked smile. I suddenly found myself wondering how long he had been there. So I asked him:  
  
"How long have you been there?"  
  
"Uh," Giles smiled wider. "A little while. I heard my guitar."  
  
"Oh," I replied, feeling very small and embarrassed.  
  
I found myself staring at his shoes. No one was ever supposed to hear that. It wasn't even supposed to be a song!  
  
"I- I'm sorry," I stammered. "I just started playing. It probably sucked."  
  
"That was quite amazing," Giles said suddenly.  
  
I raise my head, utterly shocked. That I hadn't expected. Because I had never played the guitar, I was sure it sucked. I wondered if it was a sick joke or something. But the look on Giles' face put the stamp on that.  
  
"I didn't know you played," Giles said, still shocked.  
  
"I don't," I said hurriedly. That was partly true, anyway.  
  
"Like hell you don't," he replied simply. "Some of the chords are a little off but other than that, it was perfect. Did you write it?"  
  
"I wouldn't technically say I wrote it," I said, trying to find a way out of this. "I mean, the music's not on paper or anything. I just picked it up, and, well, I started playing."  
  
"You mean to tell me, that all of that I heard," Giles questioned, "That was your first time to ever play a guitar?"  
  
"First time to hold one actually," I answered.  
  
"Buffy," Giles said. "That's unbelievable. Because that was rather remarkable playing. It was, amazing."  
  
"Giles, I'm telling you," I cried. "I don't play and I've never played before."  
  
"You should," Giles retorted. "That was better than me. How many times have I told you that you were better than me?"  
  
"Uh," I said, trying to remember. "Never, I guess."  
  
"Exactly," Giles replied.  
  
I looked down at the guitar and felt a connection with it all of the sudden. Giles smiled and turned to leave the room, until I stopped him:  
  
"Was I really that good?"  
  
He just smiled.  
  
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Read and Review please. I know this isn't the idea most people have for Buffy after "Chosen" but I repeat, the idea WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!!! grrr. Love me anyway?  
  
The song in this chapter is "I'd Rather Be In Love" by Michelle Branch. 


	2. Maybe This Is Real

Disclaimer: I own nothing because if I did, the Buffyverse would not be totally screwed.  
  
Spoilers: Anything and everything is fair game.  
  
POST "CHOSEN" FIC  
  
Feedback: Anything rolling inside your head, tell me about it.  
  
Distribution: ASK FIRST!  
  
Songs: All songs used throughout this fanfic belong to Michelle Branch.  
  
AN: I know this is probably not what you think would have happened after "Chosen" but the idea wouldn't leave me alone. Any fanfic writer knows what that's like. Anyway, just go read it please.  
  
POV: Buffy's point of view.  
  
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Chapter Two: Maybe This Is Real  
  
So, here I am again, on the road. No, before you think I'm a major superstar, no I'm not. Haven't thought much about that to be honest.  
  
No, Giles and I finished in Chicago. He appointed someone to train any new Slayers they find. She was really nice, and ironically, her name was Kennedy. You remember the Potential Kennedy? Sorry, but she was a pain. Kinda glad Willow broke up with her.  
  
Speaking of, we got a call from Willow halfway to Phoenix. She wanted us to come to LA and visit her on our way. And plus she's really psyched because Oz is coming back from over seas, where he's been since he left Sunnydale. Good for him. I liked them together, there was almost an innocent thing going on there.  
  
Truth be told, I forced Giles to accept. I wanted to see my best friend. I wanted to go. Besides, I'm in serious need of new clothes. There's some great shops in LA.  
  
Oh, and there's Angel. Yeah, ok, he was the first thing that hit my brain when I heard LA. Any surprises there? Didn't think so.  
  
So we're heading into LA right now. I really can't wait to se Willow and meet Oz at the airport. Willow said we would all meet there.  
  
~~~~~  
  
We're at Willow's apartment. Me, Giles, Willow, and Oz.  
  
Oz's still a musician. He's still monotone. He's still Oz. And I love him for that.  
  
When Oz was tuning his guitar, Giles 'accidentally' let it slip I play also. I think he really likes the idea of me having an actual future now. Oz, for once, looked surprised.  
  
Then I was the one surprised.  
  
"Will you play something?"  
  
Oz asked me that. Not Willow, who I would have guessed, would have, but Oz. I was speechless. Part of me wanted to turn him down, but the fact that it was Oz who asked, I couldn't.  
  
"I- I," I stammered quietly. "I guess."  
  
Oz handed me his guitar. It looked like Giles'. And again I started to play. But this time, it was different. A different tune, and a different song. Another poem I had written. A long time ago.  
  
  
  
Turn it inside out so I can see The part of you that's drifting over me And when I wake you're never there But when I sleep you're everywhere You're everywhere  
  
Just tell me how I got this far Just tell me why you're here and Who you are 'Cause every time I look You're never there And every time I sleep You're always there  
  
'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone I'm not alone  
  
I recognize the way you make me feel It's hard to think that You might not be real I sense it now the water's getting deep I try to wash the pain away from me Away from me  
  
'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone I'm not alone  
  
I am not alone  
  
And when I touch your hand It's then I understand The beauty that's within It's now that we begin You always light my way I hope there never comes a day No matter where I go I always feel you so  
  
'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone  
  
'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I catch my breath It's you I breathe You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone  
  
You're in everything I see So tell me Do you see me?  
  
  
  
I looked up from the guitar and glanced around the room. Giles looked shocked again. It's getting to be an almost normal look for him. It still wigs me that he can be shocked. Oz stares and smiles at me. Secretly. It's strange when Oz smiles that way. And Willow, well, Willow looks, I don't know what she looks like.  
  
She looks excited. And worried. And calm. And hurt. She's totally mixed, and I really don't get it. She was always a mixed-feelings kind of girl, but still, this is a strange mix.  
  
"That was cool," Oz said, breaking the silence. "Better than I've heard in a while."  
  
"I just kind of play them," I said, shyly. Do you know how rare it is that Oz says something like that? Not often. "I don't even know what I'm gonna sing until, well, I sing."  
  
"Do you have anymore?" Willow asked.  
  
"Well, they were poems," I said, a little embarrassed. "I sort of, sing my poems."  
  
"Ok, but do you have anymore?" Willow insisted.  
  
"A couple," I replied. More like a million!  
  
" 'Cause I know this club," Willow said. "It's reopening in a month and the owner's looking for an opening act. It's mostly a karioke bar, but he says since he's been out of business a while, he needs to attract attention. And I think he would love you!"  
  
Oh WOW! Not going there! I'm not ready for an on-stage sort of thing.  
  
"What's it called?" Giles asked.  
  
"The club?" Willow asked. With a nod from Giles she continued. "Its called Caritas. Latin for, um, mercy, I think. Run by this demon named Lorne. He's a psychic. Reads your aura when you sing, it's cool."  
  
"I'm not sure-" I try to put in, but no one's listening to me. Hey, this is my future you're planning!  
  
"Yeah, He can even tell you if you're on the right path!" Willow said excitedly. "Like, if your supposed to be a police officer and you don't know it, he can tell you. He sees your future, and some of your past. At least that's what I've heard. I've never wanted to sing."  
  
"Sounds really good," Giles agreed.  
  
"I think," Oz jumped in. "I think we should let Buffy decide if she wants to first. I mean, it is her voice singing."  
  
THANK YOU OZ!!!  
  
"I don't know," I said quickly. "I'll check it, ok?"  
  
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Read and Review please. I know this isn't the idea most people have for Buffy after "Chosen" but I repeat, the idea WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!!! grrr. Love me anyway?  
  
The song in this chapter is "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch. 


	3. A Demon And A Gig

Disclaimer: I own nothing because if I did, the Buffyverse would not be totally screwed.  
  
Spoilers: Anything and everything is fair game.  
  
POST "CHOSEN" FIC  
  
Feedback: Anything rolling inside your head, tell me about it.  
  
Distribution: ASK FIRST!  
  
Songs: All songs used throughout this fanfic belong to Michelle Branch.  
  
AN: Sorry it took so long to update. I was focusing on "Stupid Like That". Oh, and trying not to fail geometry.  
  
POV: Buffy's point of view.  
  
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Chapter Three: A Demon And A Gig  
  
I don't know how I got myself into this.  
  
I'm standing in a half completed demon bar complete with the demon host getting ready to audition for said demon's opening night. I told Giles and Willow I'd check it out and they decided to really keep me to that promise.  
  
Oz hasn't been that pushy. He's been really great about all this. Sure, he's not one to really show his emotions but he really understands why I'm so weirded out by all this.  
  
The owner, a green-faced demon, looks to me like his a little tired of Giles' endless ramblings on about me.  
  
"That's great. Really it is," I heard Green-Face say. "But I'd rather like to talk to Miss Amazing myself. Have a scotch at the bar."  
  
Huh, guess I was right.  
  
"Ah," the demon said, practically dancing over to me. "Aren't you the little beauty?"  
  
Oh no, please don't make me blush. Then I'll start stammering and lose my nerve. That's the last thing I need right now. NO, nerves, come back, I need you.  
  
"I-uh, I mean," I stammer. Thanks a lot nerves. "Thanks. I'm Buffy."  
  
"So I've heard," he said, gesturing towards Giles.  
  
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that," I laughed. "He's a little excited about my whole singing thing now."  
  
"But you're not," he said. It wasn't a question. It was a statement. It was weird.  
  
"I guess you've done this sort of thing before," I stated. "That is, I mean, seeing people that have no clue what they're doing here."  
  
"Kinda my job, sweetie," he said. "Oh, sweet cakes, where are my manners? My name's Lorne."  
  
"Oh," I sigh. "I was about to ask you what your name was."  
  
"Well," Lorne said. "If you don't mind, would you like to sing now?"  
  
I stare at him, suddenly frozen to the spot.  
  
"Sweetie," Lorne said, realizing my frozenness. "I keep hearing how wonderful you are, so naturally, as an artist myself, I'm curious. Don't worry, there's no possible way you could be worse than some of the people I've heard sing in the years this bar has been around. Like there's this one vampire, he can't sing to save is life!"  
  
I suddenly start to laugh. The vision of a vampire singing is a little funny. Then, I get the vision of a certain vampire singing. Now, who could that be? Angel. Ok, that's a funny picture.  
  
"Well, with that in mind," I say, still laughing. "Why not?"  
  
"Good," Lorne said while wearing a big smile. "Let's see what you got."  
  
So, I grab my new guitar - a present from Giles - and take the stage.  
  
And began the song I picked last night.  
  
  
  
So I'm a little left of center I'm a little out of tune Some say I'm paranormal So I just bend their spoon Who wants to be ordinary In a crazy, mixed-up world? I don't care what they're sayin' As long as I'm your girl  
  
Hey, you are on my side And they, they just roll their eyes  
  
You get me When nobody understands You come and take the chance, baby You get me You look inside my wild mind Never knowing what you'll find Still you want me all the time Yeah, you do Yeah, you get me  
  
So what if I see the sunshine In the pouring rain Some people think I'm crazy But you say it's okay You've seen my secret garden Where all my flowers grow In my imagination Anything goes  
  
I, I am all you want They, they just read me wrong  
  
You get me When nobody understands You come and hold my hand, baby You get me You look inside my wild mind Never knowing what you'll find Still you want me all the time Yeah, you do 'Cause, you get me  
  
Hey, you are on my side They, they just roll their eyes Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
'Cause you get me When nobody understands You come and take the chance, baby You get me When none of the pieces fit You make sense of it You get me You look inside my wild mind Never knowing what you'll find Still I want you all the time Yeah, I do 'Cause, you get me  
  
  
  
I finish the last chord and look up towards Lorne.  
  
And he's wearing the biggest smile I have EVER seen in the world spread across his face. And considering I've seen some pretty big ones, that's saying something.  
  
"Oh," Lorne exclaims. "Oh, for the love of grace, do sing again! That was amazing! Such vocal talent, such tone, such feeling I've never heard before! And what a story it unfolds! So much love, heartbreak, angst, joy, life! You are everything he said you were!"  
  
"Who said I was what?" I asked, totally lost.  
  
"And my goodness, you're a sensation!" Lorne continued. "I could almost taste your feelings. Such a bittersweet taste it would have been too!"  
  
I'm staring to get really embarrassed. Lorne obviously loved it. I mean, he's dancing for joy and excitement all over the place. I can't help but smile though. I just wish he'd answer my question.  
  
"Oh, darling," Lorne laughed. "Would you please play at my opening night? I will get on my hands and knees and bring you anything you wanted if you would! Oh, darling, dear, please won't you!"  
  
"I- uh" I start, but get cut off as the ecstatic demon fell down to his knees and put his hand in a praying position. He really meant he would beg me. "Oh, ok, get up. I'll play for you! Please, just get up!"  
  
I can't help but laugh as he bounded up from the floor and hugged me. He really is a fun guy to be around. His attitude is contagious.  
  
"Oh," Lorne cried. "The Powers That Be are forever blessed for giving me this wonderful angel!"  
  
"One condition though," I say, when what he said registered on me. "Don't ever mention the Powers That Be. I'm not a big fan of them."  
  
"No," Lorne said thoughtfully. "You wouldn't be, would you?"  
  
I want to ask him what he meant, but then he started talking again.  
  
"Do you have a band?" he asked. "Because as amazing as that was with just you, and I mean, it was AMAZING, it would be just so much more amazing with a bass line and a drum line. Maybe even a little electric guitar! Oh, doll, you're going to rock this place to the ground! Just, I hope not literally. New bar and everything!"  
  
"Do you ever stop talking?" I laugh, kidding with him.  
  
"You sound just like him!" Lorne exclaimed. "I'm the Host, have you met me? I never shut up. I told him that once. Oh doll, this is gonna be a HECK of an opening night!"  
  
"Who is this 'him' you keep talking about?" I asked.  
  
Lorne opened his mouth to say something but his cell phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" He answered. "Oh, lamb chop, I was going to call you. I've got a delightful morsel here that you might want to meet. She's just a doll - No, she's not in trouble, believe me, she could take care of herself if she was - Oh! Oh really. Ok, I'm on my way - Where is it again? - Topanga, gotcha!"  
  
With that he clicked his cell phone shut and turned to me. "Sweet cakes, I gotta run. Business in my other department. Be here three weeks from today at 4 and we'll set you all up for the big night. I'll see you then, doll face!"  
  
I stared after him as he jogged out of his bar. I was starting to get the impression that there was WAY more to the music-loving demon than meets the eye.  
  
I walk out of the bar and nearly run into Giles and Willow as they run up to me. Apparently, Lorne had told them to wait outside. I told them I got the gig. They were so excited, maybe more than me.  
  
But, then, I had other things on my mind. Like where did Lorne run off? And who was he talking to on the phone? And who was the 'him' Lorne kept referring to like I should know who 'him' was?  
  
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Read and Review The song in this chapter is "You Get Me" by Michelle Branch. 


	4. Writing and Performing

I'm BACK! Yes, it's true, I am back. I barely passed Geometry (I made a 70) so I got grounded from the Internet until the progress report came back with a better grade. Sorry. But, I'm back for an update.  
  
Disclaimer: See Chapter one.  
  
Feedback: I know it took so long to update, but can I still ask for feedback? Please!  
  
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Chapter Four: Writing and Performing  
  
Okay, it's like this. I'm sitting in Willow's spare bedroom, trying to figure out how to actually WRITE DOWN the music for my songs. I got Oz and few of his friends to agree to be my band, but obviously they need music to read off of right? So here I am, flooded by paper and things that make no sense to me.  
  
Willow and Oz aren't here. Honestly, I'm glad. I need to concentrate. And plus, I think they're starting to fall for each other again. But, Willow still insists she's gay. Even though she's blown off three calls from this Tiffany girl.  
  
And I've been in L.A. for almost a month, and haven't seen Angel. Not that I really tried to, I'm to scared to. I mean, like I said before, what do you say to a guy you let walk off when you really wanted him there? How am I supposed to explain that and-  
  
AH HA! This little note thing goes here! And I'm done. Now I wonder if it's sounds right. Only one way to find out.  
  
And now, I'm going to pull and Angel on you and brood. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Oh my god! It's opening night. I'm so freaking nervous.  
  
The guys in the band, that is to say Oz; Daniel; Kealy; and 8-Ball (don't ask, I don't know), said the music was perfect and I'm going to be awesome, so not to worry. News flash: NOT HELPING!  
  
I look around the curtain and look out at the crowd. It's HUGE! I mean, there's lots of vampires in there (Slayer-sense) and demons and humans, and, if I'm not mistaken, lawyers.  
  
There's this feeling in the air. It almost crackles. It feels like Angel. But I know it's just my nervousness. That's it. I'm just nervous. Angel wouldn't be here. I mean, he hates music, well, my generation's music. And he doesn't sing. Why would he be here?  
  
"And now, after such a long absence, I am please to bring Caritas back to you!" Lorne said with excitement. He let the wild applause die down before continuing. "Now, I know this isn't traditional, but as a special treat, we have the spectacular Buffy Summers performing one night only!"  
  
"Buffy," Oz whispered. "We're on."  
  
We ran out on stage as we had practiced. I plastered on a smile, hopefully hiding my stage fright. 8-Ball gave four loud drum clicks as the show started. After the first measures, I was lost in the music and truly enjoying myself.  
  
  
  
Now, don't just walk away. Pretending everything's okay, and you don't care about me. I know it's just no use, when all of your lies become you're truths and I don't care.  
  
Could you look me in the eye? And tell me that you're happy now? Would you tell it to my face? Or have I been erased? Are you happy now?  
  
You took all there was to take, and left me with an empty plate, and you don't care about it, yeah. And I am giving up this game, and leaving you with all the blame, 'cause I don't care.  
  
Could you look me in the eye? And tell me that you're happy now? Come on tell it to my face? Or have I been replaced? Are you happy now?  
  
Do you really have everything you want? You can't ever give something you ain't got. You can't run away from yourself.  
  
Could you look me in the eye? And tell me that you're happy now? Would you tell it to my face? Or have I been erased? Are you happy now?  
  
Would you look me in the eye? Could you look me in the eye? I've had all that I can take. I'm not about to break 'cause I'm happy now. Are you happy now?  
  
  
  
That was over the summer after Angel left. I was so angry with him. I wanted to know if he was happy with leaving me. I wanted to know if it hurt him as much as it hurt me. And that last line about me being happy now was completely a lie. But I put it in anyway. I thought that if I wrote the lie down, it would make it true. It didn't.  
  
I let the last chord sound through the room and listened to the wild applause that followed it. Everyone cheering except for one person in the back. The man just stood there, gazing intently at me. Then, I realized, he was here. Standing next to Lorne, looking every inch the man I remembered.  
  
What happened to that statement about the last time I ignore my feelings. Because he was here. I had felt him. But again, I passed it off. My inspiration, any guardian, my everything was in this room.  
  
Angel continued to stare at me on the stage.  
  
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I write, you read, you review, I write more! Isn't it wonderful?  
  
The song in this chapter is "Are You Happy Now?" by Michelle Branch. 


	5. Screwing Up?

I'M BACK! Yes, it finally happened... I got a C in Geometry... YAY ME!  
  
Disclaimer: SC1.  
  
Feedback: You love me right?  
  
AN: Nothing really.  
  
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Chapter Five: Screwing Up?  
  
God, stop staring at me!  
  
He couldn't hear me, but all I wanted was for him to stop staring. I was way too confused for him to be here, right now. If he would stop, I could pretend he wasn't. I was good at that, wasn't I?  
  
"Ah," a flash of green and sequins came to my rescue. "Just give her a minute and Miss Summers will be back."  
  
"Sugar, go talk to him," Lorne whispered in my ear.  
  
That was all I needed. I tore of my guitar and threw it at Oz, who thankfully caught it. I ran over to him as fast as I could through the crowd. I few people tried to stop me and I think a table of vamps growled at me, but I didn't care.  
  
I stopped breathlessly in front of him. And one look at him took away any breath I had left. He would have to look extra delicious, wouldn't he?  
  
"Hi," I breathed. How lame was that?  
  
"Hi," he smiled awkwardly. About as lame as that was, I guess. Good, we had lameness together. "You sing?"  
  
"Yeah," I nodded. And the lameness keeps on coming.  
  
"Oh," Angel said. "Uh, I'm sorry, I'm just a little- I guess surprised wouldn't be overstating it. I wasn't really expecting to see you again."  
  
"We never do," I answered.  
  
"Yeah," he laughed. I love his laugh and he never did it enough when we were together. It must have had something to do with all the terror. "That's true."  
  
"Why are here?" I asked bluntly. Yeah, I know, smooth.  
  
"Lorne," Angel pointed to the green demon. "He's a friend. And a partner."  
  
"So that was you on the phone when I auditioned," I nodded matter-of- factly.  
  
"Wait," Angel said. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"Uh-," I sputtered. Uh-oh. "Um, that's actually kind of funny. Um- about a month."  
  
"A month?" Angel asked. A slight look of hurt passed over his features. Double uh-oh.  
  
"Yeah," I muttered.  
  
"And, you were busy the whole time?" Angel asked.  
  
"Normally, I would say yes," I said. "But, no. Not really."  
  
"Ok, I'm going to sound incredibility selfish right now, but why didn't you come to see me? We parted on good- well ok terms."  
  
"The same reason you didn't talk to me that Thanksgiving after you left!" I said, getting angry.  
  
"That was different!" Angel cried. "We were different!"  
  
"Yeah, real different," I spat sarcastically. I really hate my temper. "But when I came to see you after that, you practically threw me out!"  
  
"You said your piece and walked out of my office," Angel claimed.  
  
"I'm not talking about the second time," I whispered angrily. "I'm talking about the first time, the real time. You know."  
  
I could feel Angel's gaze on my back as I walked angrily off. I didn't mean to say that. About the "Day That Wasn't". I don't remember any of it, but strangely enough I believe it. Maybe it was the way Cordy had written it down, with tear spots at the bottom of the page. Sometimes, that letter is all that kept me going, hoping on day I could have that.  
  
I jumped up on stage and looked back to where Angel was. Except he wasn't there anymore. He was pushing through the crowd, towards the door. Great Buffy, you ran him off again. Better do something quick.  
  
"Hey, guys," I said to the band. "Change it up. We're going with Find Your Way Back."  
  
The music started and the rush flowed over me again. I just hoped Angel would listen before he left.  
  
  
  
I used to get away with so much, now I can't get away. I even thought that it was simple; to say the things I wanted to say. And you told me everything I wanted to hear. And you sold me, now I don't know how I should feel. I should know me, and baby, you would think I knew better.  
  
I'm finding my way back to you, and everything I used to be. And waiting is all that I can do, until you find your way back to me.  
  
What if I said what I was thinking? What if that says too much? When everybody's got a reason, I feel like giving up. And you told me everything I wanted to hear. And you sold me, now I don't know how I should feel. I should know me, and baby, you would think I knew better.  
  
I'm finding my way back to you, and everything I used to be. And waiting is all that I can do, until you find your way back to me.  
  
Until you find your way back to me, I used to get away with so much.  
  
I'm finding my way back to you, and everything I used to be. And waiting is all that I can do, until you find your way back to me.  
  
I used to get away with so much.  
  
  
  
I looked up towards the door and saw him lingering there. He nodded to me. I don't' know what he meant; if he meant 'I understand' or if it was just cordiality. But I didn't get to ask him. He walked through the front door the next second.  
  
All I could think was I had screwed up, again.  
  
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Was it worth the wait?  
  
I write, you read, you review, I write more.  
  
The song in this chapter is "Find Your Way Back" by Michelle Branch. I've decided she is my muse. 


	6. Bare Your Soul?

Disclaimer: SC1.  
  
Spoilers: Anything and everything is fair game.  
  
POST "CHOSEN" FIC  
  
Feedback: Anything rolling inside your head, tell me about it.  
  
Songs: All songs used throughout this fanfic belong to Michelle Branch.  
  
POV: Buffy's point of view.  
  
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Every thing has happened so fast.  
  
A month and a half ago, I was in a backyard, living a normal life training Vampire Slayers. Okay, not totally normal, but it was for me.  
  
Now, I'm surrounded by people I don't know and ridiculously complicated sound equipment. I never have a moment to myself. Lorne, apparently, has connections; I mean, MAJOR connections. The instant my gig was over, he hooked me up with one of the biggest recording companies: Maverick.  
  
I'm getting ready to started recording a single the radio stations will hopefully pick up. If that goes well, my manager Jeff Gregs says that we can start recoding an album within the next three weeks. How's that for instant stardom?  
  
However, I'm not sure if I really want this. Oz and the guys, they've been trying for this their entire lives and it seems as if I'm their chance to make it big. I'm new to this; I haven't decided if this is a passion of mine.  
  
But I do love to sing; it gives me this rush. Like, I'm floating in zero gravity, whatever that means. I never really understood that phrase, kinda like the whole nine yards thing. I still haven't figured that out yet.  
  
And Jeff is great. He's young and excited about his profession; he loves being behind the scenes. I think he has a bit of British in him because he spits out those British phrases every now and then,  
  
"Buffy!" Jeff calls down the hall where I've been staring at the same magazine page for the last hour. "You ready to go?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?" I joked.  
  
"Sure," Jeff nodded. "Go big, or go home.  
  
I seriously think that's his motto: "Go big, or go home."  
  
"Let's get going then," I laughed. "The guys here?"  
  
"All set up," Jeff smiled. "They're just waiting for you. Have you decided on a single yet? I still think you should go with "Finding Your Way Back"; it was such a hit at the club."  
  
"What did we agree?" I asked.  
  
"That you could pick your first single," Jeff sighed. "Don't blow it."  
  
"Gee, thanks," I groaned.  
  
"So what's it to be?"  
  
"You'll have to listen to find out," I smirked.  
  
"See, that's what I like about you," Jeff laughed. "You're so... unpredictable would be the nicer way of putting it."  
  
I walked into the recording room and Jeff went into the tech booth. Oz handed me my guitar and smiled.  
  
"Okay guys," Jeff said over the speaker. "Just tell me when you're ready."  
  
"What's it gonna be Buffy?" 8-Ball asked.  
  
"Breathe," I answered, then called out to Jeff. "Let's go."  
  
"All right!" Jeff said. "Make music. Hit it."  
  
My fingers moved across the guitar, starting the melody. The guys picked it up and we were doing it again; creating that rush.  
  
  
  
I've been driving for an hour, just talking to the rain. You say I've been driving you crazy and it's keeping you away. So just give me one good reason; tell me why I should stay. 'Cause I don't wanna waste another moment in saying things we never meant to say.  
  
And I take it just a little bit; I hold my breath and count to ten. I've been waiting for a chance to let you in.  
  
If I just breathe; let it fill the space between, I'll know everything is all right. Breathe, every little piece of me; you'll see, everything is all right. If I just breathe.  
  
Well, it's all so overrated; in not saying how you feel. So you end up watching chances fade and wondering what's real.  
  
And I give you just a little time. I wonder if you realize, I've been waiting 'till I se it in your eyes.  
  
If I just breathe; let it fill the space between, I'll know everything is all right. Breathe, every little piece of me; you'll see, everything is all right. If I just breathe.  
  
Breathe. So I whisper in the dark, hoping you'll hear me. Do you hear me?  
  
If I just breathe; let it fill the space between, I'll know everything is all right. Breathe, every little piece of me; you'll see, everything is all right. If I just breathe.  
  
Everything is all right if I just breathe; breathe.  
  
I've been driving for an hour, just talking to the rain.  
  
  
  
Oz let the last chord echo through the room and then we all pulled off our headphones. Jeff ran into the room, thoroughly excited.  
  
"That was bloody brilliant!" Jeff cried, letting his British side take over. "Outstanding. You guys are going rule the charts! I can't wait to send this out to the press!"  
  
"It was good, then?" I asked.  
  
"Good?' Jeff asked. "No, not at all. It was better! Outstanding, amazing, extravagant, anything but good!"  
  
"Glad to know you liked it," I laughed.  
  
"Where do you get your material?" Jeff asked, serious. "I mean, this, this stuff can't come from imagination alone. Something inspires it. What?"  
  
My mind completely shut down. No scratch that, it went into overdrive. If Jeff was asking me this, he wouldn't be the last to ask it? What am I supposed to say? "Oh, Jeff, I was a Vampire Slayer and I had a boyfriend who was a vampire and we're forbidden to be together. It's all tragic and all we do is give each other pain." That's be a landmark in my career.  
  
"Um," Oz cleared his throat. "Buffy's always been imaginative. She's just, very gifted. That's it."  
  
Once again, I owe Oz for, once again, saving my ass.  
  
"Really?" Jeff asked. "Whatever, it's really not important. I'm sending this out tonight and hopefully it'll be on the radios tomorrow. That okay with you guys?"  
  
I could feel all the band's eyes on me, waiting for me to say something. Was I really ready for this; to bare my soul in front of the entire world?  
  
"Go for it," I nodded.  
  
I guess I am.  
  
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I write, you read, you review, I write more.  
  
The song used in this chapter is "Breathe" by Michelle Branch. 


	7. Willow's Brilliance

Disclaimer: SC1.  
  
Spoilers: Anything and everything is fair game.  
  
POST "CHOSEN" FIC  
  
Feedback: Anything rolling inside your head, tell me about it.  
  
AN: If you have any trouble understanding what I saw in the song... HOPEFULLY the chapter will explain, but if not... feel free to E-MAIL me and I'll try to explain it better.   
  
Songs: All songs used throughout this fanfic belong to Michelle Branch.  
  
POV: Buffy's point of view.  
  
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"That was Buffy Summers with her single 'Breathe'. Damn, this girl is taking the country by storm-,"  
  
"Willow! Could you please turn that off?" I yelled from the back room. I heard the TV click off and the annoucer's voice cleared the room.  
  
"Sorry," Willow smiled, flopping down on my paper covered bed. "It's just- so awesome. I mean, you're getting credit for something you did. And it's not even supernatural!"  
  
"Yea," I said absently. "It's really great. Willow, where's my pencil?"  
  
"Um, here," Willow rolled over slightly and pulled it out from under her. "Sorry 'bout that too. So, what are you doing?"  
  
"Writing music to this thing," I muttered, waving a piece of paper in front of her face. "That is, I would be if I could concentrate."  
  
"Is it me?" Willow asked. "I mean, I could leave and-,"  
  
"NO!" I yelled. "No, you're the only thing keeping me sane right now. I just- This is new. I mean, I can ususally handle new. The Slayer, the Master, The Mayor, The Initiative, The First- why does everythign start with 'the'? Why is that?"  
  
"Not everything does," Willow stated. "You missed some. There was, as Xander put it, 'Scary Veiny Willow'. That doesn't start with 'the'. And-,"  
  
"And I purposly missed that one," I said sympathetically.   
  
"I've delt with that," Willow smiled. "I did some... some pretty bad things. But, I delt. Maybe you shoud too."  
  
"I've gotten over you," I insisted. "Really I have. You were hurting. You had just lost someone you loved. Greatly. I understand that."  
  
"I wasn't really talking about that," Willow smiled sadly. "But while we're on the topic: In that moment, I finally understood why you ran away that summer, after Angel. It hurt too much to bear, you didn't want to be the person you were anymore. You wanted to be someone, anyone else. In a way, I ran too. Angel was precious to you, possibly more so than Tara was to me. I've delt with her death, and I've moved on. Slowly, but I did. You, on the other hand, haven't. Angel is still at the front of thoughts, when you wake up and when you go to sleep. He's in your music, he's in your soul, he's... no pun intended, everywhere."  
  
"What are you saying Willow?" I asked, very close to tears.   
  
WIllow must have seen the tears because she leaned over to hug me and continued, "Oh, honey, I'm not trying to upset you. As much as I wanted to believe otherwise, there is no moving on with you; not from Angel. You love him Buffy. I've literally known two Buffy Summers. The one who was with Angel and the one without him. When you were with him... you were happy; not in the most obvious or ways but you were. Post Angel, you were just... you were just there. I love both of you, but... I don't know what I'm saying anymore."  
  
"Willow, you're a genius!" I screamed, a burst of inspriation sent my head reeling and I threw down the paper I had and started scribbling furiously the back of my pizza box.  
  
"I am?" Willow asked, recognizing the look on my face.  
  
"Yeah," I smiled.  
  
"I'm leaving now," Willow laughed. I never noticed she had left until had written everything that had invaded my mind in the back of that pizza box and had rewritten it on the music sheets, with music to go with it.  
  
Just to see how it came out, I gave it one run through.  
  
She's his yellow brick road, leading him on, and letting him go as far as she lets him go, going down to nowhere.  
  
She puts on her makeup, the samw way she did yesterday, hoping everything's the same, but everything has changed.  
  
In my mind, everything we did was right. open your eyes I'll still be by your side. How could I ever have been so blind? You give me something to sleep to at night.  
  
He wakes to the sound, so scared that she's leaving, he wishes she were still asleep next to him, hoping she will change.  
  
In my mind, everything we did was right. open your eyes I'll still be by your side. How could I ever have been so blind? You give me something to sleep to at night.  
  
You give me something to sleep to and all I know is you gave me somethign to dream to when I'm all alone and blue. Don't leave me now, don't leave me now.  
  
Don't leave me now, don't leave me now, don't leave me now, don't leave me now, don't leave me now, don't leave me now.  
  
In my mind, everything we did was right. open your eyes I'll still be by your side. How could I ever have been so blind? You give me something to sleep to at night, something to sleep to, something to sleep to at night.  
  
"To all the men in my life. You know who you are and unforunatly, you also know which part of this song is for you. Fortunatly to one of you, you also know which part is for you."  
  
I finished writing the dedication and grabbed the rough recording I had made to take to the rest of the band. I stopped to big Willow a hug and rushed out to...  
  
straight into Angel.   
  
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I write, you read, you review, I write more.  
  
The song used in this chapter is "Something to Sleep To" by Michelle Branch. 


	8. One of These Days is Now

Disclaimer: SC1.  
  
Spoilers: Anything and everything is fair game.  
  
POST "CHOSEN" FIC  
  
Feedback: Anything rolling inside your head, tell me about it.  
  
AN: I know I usually have few typos that my spell check doesn't pick up, but now I have a new computer and the Word program isn't working right so if they are an unusually large amount of typos, please forgive me.  
  
Songs: All songs used throughout this fanfic belong to Michelle Branch.  
  
POV: Buffy's point of view.  
  
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"Angel!" I yelled, dropping everything and throwing my arms around him in a huge hug.  
  
"Uh? Buffy?" Angel asked, unnerved. "Uh, hi."  
  
"I'm sorry!" I laughed. "It's just... I'm excited to see you."  
  
"I noticed," he smiled slightly. "Look, I wanted to apologize. It's been a few weeks since-."  
  
"We left things so crappy?" I supplied.  
  
"Yeah, you could put it that way," Angel laughed. "I shouldn't have thrown that in your face."  
  
"And I shouldn't have done what I did," I said guilty. "I just- it really hurt when I found out. From Cordelia of all people."  
  
"Cordelia?" Angel asked. After I nodded, he continued. "Should have known."  
  
"Yeah," I shrugged. It was then that I realized that my guitar and tape and papers where all over the floor. I bent down to pick them up, and Angel followed suit.   
  
You know how you see this in all the movies: the girl and the gut touch hands while picking something up and they smile awkwardly before they kiss. Well, it doesn't just happen in the movies.  
  
I felt myself drawn towards him and his cool lips pressed against mine before either of us knew what had happened. Somehow, I managed to push Angel against the wall, pressing my small body back into the space that it knew; that space that fit to mine perfectly. The kiss deepened into a forbidden kiss that we both knew was close to crossing the line but niether of us had the strength to pull back until, as usual, I needed air.  
  
My breath was heavy as I rested my head against his. I opened my eyes and found his full of shock and love but also searching mine for some kind of explaination.  
  
"I miss that," I sighed. "I miss you."  
  
"I miss you too," Angel nodded slightly.   
  
Angel slowly stood up and pulled me up with him. He didn't let go of my hand. but loving stroked my hair, a familiar action. I smiled up at him, happier than I had been after he left. How had I been so stupid as to think that there was anything better than him?   
  
"You were going somewhere?" Angel asked.  
  
"Huh?" I said, then remembered my sudden burst of inspiration a few hours ago. "Yeah, uh, to Oz's. New song."  
  
"Yeah?" Angel smiled. "I heard your new one; Lorne's compliments. It was great."  
  
"You're biased," I laughed, knowing that he didnt' think much of any of the music that came after 1800's.  
  
"Just a bit," Angel nodded. "Need a lift?"  
  
"Sure," I smiled as we walked out to the parking lot. "I pick the radio station though."  
  
"Do you have to?" Angel groaned.  
  
"Yes," I replied, punching him in the arm before climbing in his car.  
  
Angel started the car as I tried to bring in a good station. Eventually, I got it to a mix station that was playing rap at the moment.   
  
"Why couldn't you just ask to drive?" Angel groaned playfully.  
  
"Oh shut up," I laughed as the song ended.   
  
"And here's what you've all been waiting for!" The DJ announced over the radio. "The new single we promised you. Never before heard or aired single: 'One Of These Days' by Buffy Summers."  
  
"Oh no," I groaned and reached to turn off the radio, but Angel just turned it up louder.  
  
  
  
I didn't notice, but I didn't care. I tried being honest, but that lead me nowhere. I watched the station, saw the bus pulling through. And I don't mind saying, a part of me left with you.  
  
One of these days, I won't be afraid of staying with you. I hope and I pray, waiting to find a way back to you, 'cause that's where I'm home.  
  
Did I make you nervous? Did I ask for too much? Was I not deserving one second of your touch?  
  
One of these days, I won't be afraid of staying with you. I hope and I pray, waiting to find a way back to you, 'cause that's where I'm home.  
  
What would you do if I could have you? Oh, if I could, I'd let you feel everythign I'm thinking. Wouldn't that be nice?  
  
One of these days, I won't be afraid of staying with you.  
  
One of these days, I won't be afraid of staying with you. I hope and I pray, waiting to find a way back to you, 'cause that's where I'm home.  
  
  
  
I looked over and saw Angel with a slight smile on his face. I laid my head on his shoulder, knowing he understood who that song was for; knowing that he knew it was meant for him.   
  
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I write, you read, you review, I write more.  
  
The song used in this chapter is "One of These Days" by Michelle Branch. 


End file.
